Many of you know that I have been out of the studio sick for almost two weeks now. Walking pneumonia with bronchitis has kicked my butt this month. I was thinking today about the day I come back and started getting nervous like the first time I taught and then I started to think I have heard all the reason people haven't returned to classes after a break from them. And I want to let you in on a little secret. I feel the exact same way.
1. What if I can't remember the moves? Omg, what if my brain freezes and the whole class is watching me and I can't remember the song at all. I am going to feel foolish, people will laugh, I will look like a failure... Come on really, that is not the case at all. Zumba is a great program that as long as you are moving you are doing it right. And ZQ's is the best group of students anywhere. They will laugh with you not at you, they will understand and half of the students will show me what to do.
2. I am so out of shape, I need to lose a little before I come back. I haven't done any exercise in almost two weeks, I feel like my belly is a giggly as Jell-O, I will get out of breath easy and going to class is how I am going to lose the weight. DAH!! And isn't that why we are all go to class is to lose weight and get in shape?
3. What if I don't know anyone? I have been away for so long the "regulars" I knew might not be there. Or there will be new people I don't know. Well walk up to the person next to you and say "Hello my name is absentee student and I just wanted to introduce myself in case we dance into each other" that will start a smile or a giggle. And for me well, "Hi I am your absentee instructor Amy". I feel like I haven't been HOME in forever! No one judges why you haven't been there, no one thinks poorly of you, they are just happy you are back.
4. I am so tired I will go tomorrow. You are tired because you are going tomorrow and never go. Get the blood pumping and you will want to go more. An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. And what is more unbalanced then all of us at ZQ's?
5. January 1st is around the corner, I'll start then. No start now! In 2 weeks from now you will have wished you started today. I know the holidays are busy and time consuming but you have to find time for yourself.
I will be back by the end of the week, and will be started back slow and hopefully starting the new year off sore, tired and feeling like I can take on the world. I am so lucky to have ZQ's, the instructors that have been covering my classes, the students that take the time to take care of themselves and a husband that made me go to the doctors. Together 2017 will be the year of putting myself back together.
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Holidays!
See you all on the floor.
Okay to start I have no idea if I gained or lost weight this week because my scale decided it was done. But I feel better about me. I used myfitness pal at a few restaurants this weekend and changed what I was going to eat because I saw the calorie count. Wow you think some things are healthy or low in calories and they aren't. A few things I thought okay I will eat that even though it tastes gross and then I find out not the best choice of food. Or you think I will eat that because it can't have THAT many calories and then you find out it has MORE!!! Food choices make a huge difference. I am trying to eat at home more because I can control my foods and I tend to eat less and a lot healthier.
I had a setback this week on the working out due to losing my cat, Gizmo. I didn't eat because I chose not to but it did cross my mind that I just lost my cat I should be able to eat a bag of peanut butter M&M's, because I am sad. I had a reason but didn't give myself the excuse to do it.
So this blog is all about my struggles and to help others know that they aren't alone. I tried on my favorite red sweater I wore last year all the time. It is a turtleneck but a baggie neck so it wasn't tight. Well I put it on and cried, it pushed up my neck fat and looked like the staypuff marshmallow man. Yupe so that sweater is now in the back of my closet till I can put it on with out pushing up my 3 chins. I have this wonderful thing that I gain weight under my chin, lucky girl. So I now have a pile of pants, shirts and sweaters that have made me cry. Okay they didn't make me cry, I made me cry but not taking care of me.
I have to start thinking of myself as one of my students, what would i say to them and then listen to me! Haha that is a challenge.
And please don't email me about shakes or diet plans. I like to eat, I like to chew, I can't drink my meals. And I know what my body needs and doesn't need to have me lose weight. I am on the right track.
One more thing I have to remember is everything isn't all about me. I have to remember we all struggle, with weight loss or depression, or being sick or even just being tired. Maybe work is rough, or a friend is going through something and someone is just preoccupied. I have to remember before I jump to the conclusion that someone doesn't like me or someone is mad at me that they too are living in this crazy world called life and have their own issues to deal with. People are just busy and are tending to their own stuff. Or if they don't like me who cares, I may not be everyone's cup of tea but I have a family that loves me and friends that are family and we have fun together. So instead of judging by their face give them space. If they need you they will reach out, if they are mad at you and you are a true friend they will approach you because sweeping it under the rug will do nothing to fix it. To fix a problem you have to bring it into the light to see what tools are needed.
I am rambling and I will do that. I hope this blog and my other blogs are helping you know we all go through it. We are not alone unless we decide to walk away.
Now go take on the world like only you can.
Pictures from this weekend. Not thrilled but I can actually look at them... that is a start right?
So I am on my second week of my new journey. It was a good first week but tough. I went back on my nutrisystem, which works for me. I ate a ton of fruit and veggies instead of sweets and candy. The one thing is I know i have to increase my water intake. I was craving salt like it is nobody's business, which isn't me at all. I think it is just my body saying you are bit dehydrated and need water! I have to say the weekend wasn't too hard because my husband and I were very busy with working on our home. If you are busy grouting floor it is hard to shove food in your mouth. I want to keep up with that trend. All and all I lost 3lbs last week!! Crazy, right?!? I am sure most of that was water weight, but hey I am not carrying it anymore. And I don't want it back either. 1st thing that crossed my mind is "let's celebrate!! I am going to eat some candy!!" and then the second thought was "hey fatass how do you think we got this way? knock it off!" Yupe a constant struggle!
This is how you see me. This is how I see me. This is my goal.
I have started this sentence 15 times and still not sure how to say everything I want to so I am going to just jump right into it.
Yesterday I put on a dress and pulled it right off and then the next and next. How did I get that belly back? Why didn't I see it?Am I lazy, what more physically can I do to fix it? I know I have a million and one reasons why I eat. I am stressed at work, stressed with home stuff, traveling, it's the weekend, I already blew it today and to top it all off I am going through perimenopause. Yupe that this a thing now, I am pre-pre menopausal. Lucky me! I wanted to run away, I wanted to hide in my closet, I cried all the time and didn't understand why, I thought everyone hated me. It was my own personal hell. So I ate, and ate and ate. Oh did I mention I ate? I am proof that you can out eat a good work out. I never took medication in my life for anything, even aspirin for a headache, crazy I know. But I had to do something, I had to stop the mental pain I was in everyday. Dr put on me medicine to help with my symptoms and it worked! Thank god, I think I would have lost everything I hold dear to me, I am lucky I have such a good support system, My husband and daughters are what hold me together. I can give myself a million excuses why I gained the weight but none good enough. The 1 reason I gained the weight is FOOD!! I love sweets and I love to say I will start tomorrow. Well tomorrow is today! I signed up for a FULL MARATHON in January. What the hell was I thinking? And If I don't lose this weight I will have to carry it with me which will make it harder.
And now back to yesterday morning, one outfit after another after another. I was miserable, I just want to be me again, so guess what I did...... yupe... ATE. What the hell is wrong with me?? What do I stuff food in my stomach even when I am full. What do I look for that little extra after meals? I need to stop asking why and just do something about it. So I will be writing this to vent, celebrate and even make myself liable for my actions.
I will be posting my food on myfitnesspal if you want to join my journey, I will track EVERYTHING I eat. amymiller54 is my profile name.
Today, I vow to work on me. I will get stronger, I will get wiser and I will get smaller! I have to take back the control food has on me and say no to that sweets, no to the fried foods and no to the junk food. And I have to say yes to me! Yes to healthy snacks, yes to more water per day and yes to the extra push I need to get stronger.